I LOVE MY LIFE.


I love Hamilton, I love my new friends, I love my old friends, I love the bar that I work at, I love crazy fun girls, I love EVERYTHING. LOVE.

I could not know a more awesome bunch of people.

POSI POSI POSIIII!

(Pardonnez moi if this entry is kinda all over the place... I've had about 7 beers tonight)

I had a conversation with none other than punk rock legend Mickey DeSadist tonight about, among other things, WATERFALLS (???), the Viletones' rampant drug usage, and dead people rotting at his old job in some factory.
Then, me, Lasha, Lindsay, Kerry, and Pam were schooling this guy Matt (aka MAD ALICE) from The Rocket Reducers about getting laid on tour, and using wetnaps and other such means for staying clean in a touring situation where showering is a luxury. To quote Lasha directly, "you go into a McDonald's washroom, and you wash your goddamn cock in a sink!"
Lindsay and I dared Lasha to walk by a bunch of guys on the street with her top pulled down, but she clammed up! (speaking of that wonderful girl, she invited me over to her and Jim's place last night and we got completely wasted on a box of red wine. Only the best for these classy broads. Oh and then I drunk-drove my bike home. Slowly...). Um, what else... listening to "Mr. Boombastic" and "It wasn't me" by Shaggy on the patio on my Blackberry dancing like retards, "FI-YAHHHH!"...
Before the bar we all went to see Kerry and Lynn's fashion at their Blackbird Studio show, and the stuff was so cute! There were a few things I would have loved to buy but I've gotta conserve.
I got to know Glen a little more tonight which was cool because he's usually so intimadating and stoic... Darlene invited me to a bbq at her and Robbie's place next Friday... Lasha and I planned a Laguna Beach marathon with beers and guacamole (we're going to get to know Lauren Conrad intimately!)... Man, I just love everyone. Everyone I work with and everyone I have been getting to know the past month are just so fucking AWESOME and fun and funny and laid back and absolutely stellar people. I'm so happy and glaaad.



Ps. Bud Light Lime isn't all it's cracked up to be. But it's alright.


Bring on the rest of the weekend! So far it's been fabulous and rock'n'roll as fuck.

I was so goddamn frustrated today but I just smoked a joint so I've calmed down about it all... I just, I was supposed to have my first shift today at the new job and when I got there, the owner wasn't there, and the employees didn't even know he had hired a manager and apparently he didn't get my email saying I could start today, BIG MISCOMMUNICATION that left me totally annoyed. Why does everything seem to be going wrong in regards to this job? It feels like a bad omen.
I have no idea when I start now, or if I even technically have the job because apparently that weiner was still interview people even after I was supposedly already "hired". WTF?

UGH.
ANYway.

Yesterday Nat and I went for a huge bike all through downtown Hamilton and Bayfront park and all through the trails, down into Westdale... I'd say we probably went at least 5 miles. Stopped for scenery, saw some beautiful swans on the bay, got some pitas afterwords... it was really fun, and the last half of the bike ride there were a LOT of uphill battles. Totally kicked my ass, but I felt amazing afterwards. We're going to try to build up our collective stamina and try to do a ride to Toronto via the Lakeshore trail route, at some point this summer. FUN! I feel so free on my bike. Ahhh.


This weekend is going to be awesome, I can't wait:
Friday night Lou invited me to join him and some mutual friends of ours (from work and play) at the art crawl @ Blackbird Studios, and then back to TAH for beers and fun hang-outs (unfortunately I don't work at the bar at all this weekend, because Friday night is a no cover night, but it's okay, at least I still get to hang out with work people that night and party).
Saturday night Jordy, Matt and Julie are coming to visit from London and staying the night! So we want to party... Nat told me about some fun party at Che for the apprentice at Sinkin' Ink, so that might be something to do... I just can't wait to see those guys! It's been over two months! :(

And then Sunday is Trev and Alanna's wedding. Ugh, I have NO idea what the hell I'm going to wear. I wanted to get a new dress but I haven't had the funds lately. I only have a few dresses that are still my style and most of them are probably too casual. Maybe I can fancy one up somehow.


This entry felt boring. Here are some pictures from the past two days:




( summer is throbbing )



and me, because I was bored and this is my favourite tee-shirt.




( fool school )

My job is so fricking cool!
ahhh.
I got to hang out with The Church tonight (and some of the dudes from Swervedriver). I'm not a very "starstruck" person ever, but getting the chance to hang out with these awesome old bands all the time at work is just rad. I grew up with all that shit because of my dad and my uncle, so for me it's like these dudes make music that I've been listening to my whole life, I guess there's just something neat about that.

Anyway, I'm being a total dweeb right now.

There was a big The Church/Van Der Graaf Generator show in town tonight (at some music hall downtown) that my boss was presenting. So, since it was his show, the afterparty was at T.A.H. (the bar I work at). Adam Franklin of Swervedriver played, and it was a pretty cool show, actually. I had never heard Adam's solo stuff, but I ended up loving their set and my GOD the sound was amazing. Our sound guy Doug is a god!
The guys from The Church came for the afterparty because they're playing with Adam Franklin on their actual tour (the VDGG double bill was just a one-off thing), so I guess they're buddy-buddy with those guys now. Now, The Church are a freaking A-MAZING band and they come all the way from Australia so it was a cool experience hanging out with those guys. One of them rode my bike up and down the street, and the one guy was poking fun at my Canadian accent, saying it was "just great, just great, so cute". Haha. Whatevs, you silly Aussies!

AND the BEST part was that my uncle Pete came to the show to see me!
So, yeah my dad was a big punk and the main influence on my music tastes growing up, etc. etc. but maybe even more so of an influence on me than my dad was my dad's friend Pete/my godfather (I've just grown up calling him "uncle" Pete). Where my dad leaned a little more toward the proggy stuff, like Pink Floyd, Yes, Genesis, etc., Uncle Pete was always a fucking punk, in-and-out, straight up. And he knew so much about music, he was my freaking guru growing up. So, I kind of got more Pete's taste and my brother inherited my dad's love for prog.

Anyway, I guess Pete, my dad, their friend Steve (who also came with Pete tonight to the show, and was in town visiting from Edmonton, Alberta! Steve is my brother's godfather), and my brother all went to the Van Der Graaf Generator show in Toronto, but the show in Hamilton with the Church double bill was only a one-show deal that my boss put together, and Pete is an ENORMOUS Church fan (he is how I first got into them, of course), so him and Steve drove out to Hamilton to go to the show and made sure they came by the bar to see me for awhile. It was SO great to see Pete, I haven't seen him for almost two years now, and it is always verrry far in between that we see each other, and it's usually at xmas for like, 2 hours, barely. It's cute, he seems so proud of me for how I turned out, it's like he feels like he did me right by getting me into the music he got me into and now the bar I work at is totally his type of thing so he was all "Wow, this place is GREAT! I wish I lived in Hamilton, I'd be here all the time!" heheh.

What a cool night. I'm in a great mood. Rode my bike to work and back, saw a couple of friends at the show that I rarely ever see, met an online friend who I've known for awhile so that was kind of fun to finally meet him, had a few beers, had a great time with all of the awesome staff and show-goers there, just an all-around awesome night. Nice relief from my last shift, which was the night from hell as far as working there goes. Sheesh.




Last night Holly, Jeremy, Jeff and Ryan drove from London to have movie night with Dave and I. The only one drinking was Holly, I was the only one smoking pot, so it was a pretty mellow night as far as our movie nights go. My guacamole was a smash hit, though! We watched an episode of TV Carnage (which are always gut-busting) and our feature was "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry" (Peter Fonda and Susan George, pretty cool movie), which I can now see that Quentin Tarantino ripped-off shamelessly with "Death Proof". Tarantino, I'm becoming more and more convinced that you're a hack, no matter how much I love Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs. >:(

There is nothing quite like biting into a soft, juicy, ripe peach, is there? Mmm.


I feel very ethereal right now. I don't know how to put it any better than that.
There is a shiver in my bones, but it's telling me that things are alright.
There is a cool breeze surrounding my arms and legs, my cats are sound asleep, I've got static on the radio.
I feel content. Calm. Thoughtful.


It would feel really good to sink down into some cool blue water right now.


***


I've been learning a lot of practical guitar theory lately from Biff. It's funny, I've been playing for going on 13 years and literally my knowledge of any kind of theory never went beyond knowing how to play the main chords. Hahaha. That's kind of a metaphor for everything I do in life. Everything I do is more of a feeling. If I want to do something, I teach myself how. Always. Read a few things here and there, but mostly my approach to things is relying on a natural knack. If I can do something the first few times I try it, I keep at it casually and sort of just fall into it. If I can't do something, I don't usually push my luck. I had a knack for guitar, piano, etc. I have a knack for music, I just never got around to the theory/mathematical side of it all. I have a knack for photography and feeling my way around a camera. I have a knack for anything artistic, it seems. That kind of stuff sort of just flows out of me. Drawing, painting, sculpting.
It's funny because in the past couple of years I have become extremely interested in science and physics, which is stuff that has never come naturally to me. I struggled with those types of things in highschool. I had no interest. And now I'm wishing I had become an astrophysicist, ha ha.

Anyway. That last paragraph was totally unplanned.



There is a possible Kills-y style project in the works. Well, in the initial stages. Very early, a zygote. I have a need to sing. I have words crawling up out of my mouth that want me to shout, they want me to give them a proper burial. Singing is very primitive and I need to be primal before I burst.




"So much had happened since I last saw my father that I wasn't even the same person anymore. At night when I was supposed to be sleeping, I'd lie awake and wonder if he would like the new me. And I was new, wasn't I? Didn't every new thing you did become a part of you, one of your bricks? I was part Mexico now, and part new school, and part bicycle with no training wheels."
- from Augusten Burroughs' "A Wolf at the Table"

I'm reading this book right now and I just loved that passage. The whole book has been great so far, it's tugging me in a lot of untapped places. I'm about halfway through.

Oh hey, got the job.
So, full-time management at a gaming store in the mall. I start tomorrow, and the pay is spectacular. This job seems to be all the perks of my previous job, and none of the assholes (customer-wise OR company-wise).


Damn it feels good to be a gangster.


Ps. wtf LJ is sooooo dead lately. BORING. Update more, you wankers!

Happy Canada Day to my beautiful country and everyone in it!


- Had a second interview at that store in the mall for that management position. I thought it went well, but the guy was really hard to read. I'll know by Friday sometime.

- Biff came over last night and the three of us hung out on the balcony drinking beers, wine and smoking weed. Tonight the three of us had band practice sans Chris because we're not so sure he's into it. We really need someone who's going to be into the band and wants to help write songs. Apparently there's a chance we might be using Tony from Shallow North Dakota for a little while just to tighten up the 3 or 4 songs we have and then use him to record a quick whatever with Donnie just to have something hard copy, I guess. According to Biff people are already asking us if we want to play shows. Jesus. Hahaha. Definitely not ready for that yet, but it gives us really good incentive to practice and write more regularily.

- I might start hosting bi-monthly parties at This Ain't Hollywood. This is something I had talked to Tony about doing at CTO when I was still in London. I briefly mentioned it to Lou and he seemed into it, so who knows, maybe those will start as soon as next month. The first one will probably be themed "Punk Rock Beach Party" (fun glammy/upbeat punk/surf/oldies music with a beach-appropriate dress code/suggestion. Beach balls everywhere, and possibly feature 2 or 3 different beach-themed drink specials). I definitely want to do a Halloween one, too. And tribute nights, like I'm going to for sure do a Tribute to Iggy Pop night, etc.

- Movie Night From Hell IV! coming up on Saturday night! Yay! Which means Holly, Ryan, Jeff and Jeremy are trekking all the way to Hamilton to watch obscure, weird, funny movies/shorts, and drink a lot and eat guacamole and smoke doobies. I can't wait, this will mark our 4th MNFH! Still with all the original members. Although I'd love to see a couple of new faces.

- Oh, also, I started doing these:

http://www.twohundredsitups.com
http://www.hundredpushups.com
http://www.twohundredsquats.com

gogetcokes posted about the challenges and I thought I'd do it too. I'm still paying for those squats, FUCK! My knees quiver every time I go to sit down or stand up, ha ha ha ha.

- I didn't think I was going to get to see any fireworks tonight because it was raining all day in Hamilton, but I ended up getting to see like 10 different fireworks displays from the balcony! There was the main ones that were really close by, then there were all sorts of other sets we could see closer to the bay, and across the bay on all sides. It was so neat. I sat out on the balcony for quite awhile tonight just getting lost in the lights. I love fireworks so much, they're one of my favourite things in life. I think it's because they remind me so much of stars and galaxies, only bursting and falling, hah. Dave and I both took some pictures of the main fireworks, and got some pretty interesting results! They're posted over on my Facebook page, if you've got me on there (http://www.facebook.com/necronomiconartist).

Like this one:



it totally reminds me of a galaxy with some cosmic dust that is visible through some kind of portal in the sky! so weird, I'm obsessed with this photo.

And this was kind of weird too, I like to call it "Lucifer Falling"...

There is always a glass full of water not more than four feet from my body at all times. It can sit there for hours and hours until it is tepid and all of the condensation has been wicked away from the glass, without the waterline having dropped even a millimeter.

You are the only person who makes me doubt myself.



In the dim light of dawn, there is a lamp still on. It's from me.
You have to turn the knob twice to shut it off, which has always struck me as odd since if you turn it only once, the brightness of the light projection isn't altered one bit.

A bed is an intimate place to share with another human being. Not only (but most notably) due to the carnal notions that take place there, but also to the effect that in a bed you are the most vulnerable. When you lie in a bed next to someone, it is my belief that you should be at peace with yourselves (or at least so drunk that you have mustered an illusion of peace).
I often avoid going to bed for many reasons. For one, I tend to experience mild to severe insomnia at night. My body is much happier to shut down during the early light of day and I have gone through long periods of this backwards living since I was a teenager. I feel a magical connection with the night that I hate to miss now that I've gotten so used to its charms. I've always dreamed of having a partner who would stay up all night with me, experiencing 4am in the same way that I do, but upon realization that it would mean I'd have to share the night - my private night-time world - with another human being, I quickly changed my mind, selfishly and sensibly.
The idea of sleeping in my bed is repulsive to me if I am feeling ill at ease. Demons, itching their way around my insides and up in my brain, scraps of thoughts swirling around above me, tight chest and dry mouth.
Some nights I toy with the idea of drugging myself into oblivion. Not wanting to forgive, not wanting to sleep it off. I foolishly expect regular humans to become super-human and see through my stubborn quietness into the eye of the storm, so that promptly they may prevent the onslaught, but it hasn't happened - not even once.

I want to shake you until all of my flaws and all of my dreams have seeped into your pores so that finally you will know me.




The kitchen is full of fruit, but there are fruit flies.
We most definitely know a rose will prick you if you dare try to pluck it.
Blood is on the wall, but only I can see it, because the glow of the television is washing it out, masking detection by anyone else in the house but myself.

Man, last night I had the worst night at the bar I've had since I started working there.

The thing with that place is that during the daytime, it is a hang-out for old alcoholics who live in the neighbourhood/above the bar. According to Lou, these guys have been coming there for years since it was Copper John's, so when he and the other owners bought the bar and revamped it, they didn't have the heart to kick these guys out. So far I haven't run into any problems, but man, last night was just fucking retarded.
The show we had there wasn't really a big deal, so there were barely any people there, especially early on, just me, the two bartenders, and about 8 drunken fools.

Most of them were fine and weren't causing any trouble, but this one fucking loser kept harassing me and would NOT leave me alone. He was putting his arm around me and trying to massage my shoulders and it was all I could do not to punch his fucking teeth in. The guy reeked of cigarettes and beer, and was absolutely wasted and just kept bugging me all goddamn night. Like, it got really bad. He kept touching my hair repeatedly, told me I had "such byootahfulll jet black hairrrr" about 50 times and asked me my name probably 100 times, sometimes literally two seconds after I told him.
Luckily, this one awesome bartender there, Mary, kept coming out to check on me and talk to me because she knew that guy was bothering me. Doug, the soundguy, was also helpful with that. (We actually had a really good - albeit nerdy :) - discussion about different kinds of hawks and falcons. He also was telling me about all of the nice trails and bike paths close to the bar at Bayfront Park. Can't wait to hop and my bike and go check it out!) There were a couple of other drunk assholes being annoying as well but they were nowhere near as bad as that one guy. Argh.
It's a combination of me needing to toughen up a bit and not feel bad telling these jerks off, and the bar needing at least ONE security guard, or something. I hope they get on that soon, it's already been open for almost a month. :/

However, there was ONE regular who I just loved, who I met last night. Her name is Janie-Lynn (I think?) and she was either unbelievably intoxicated, or totally off her rocker. I think it was a bit of both. She's this 50-something lady with a short brown chin-length curly bob and she was wearing a shirt that was such a bright shade of hot pink that it was almost blinding. Anyway, she was sitting at the bar with me before we opened for the night-shift/show, and she was asking me my name, and she instead wanted to call me Cleopatra. Haha. Then she buys me a beer, and tells me about her son Daniel, and proceeds to "call" Daniel on the bar phone and tells him "Lindsay's here!" and then started talking about cats? She eventually got off the phone and sat drinking her beer, but every now and then she'd belt out a lyric, in her slurred Betty Boop voice... "SHE WAS JUST SEVENTEEEEEN!" Every time I'd look over at her she'd give me a little wink. Man, what a rad lady hahaha.

Eventually the night picked up a little bit and some people started showing up for the show. There were two ska bands playing, and I hate ska, so I was like "ahhhhh" but whatever. The cool thing about working there is someone I know always comes and hangs out with me so I can at least have fun conversation while I'm working, which is DEFINITELY appreciated on a slow night like last night. Darlene, one of the bartenders who works there, showed up with her boyfriend Robbie, and it was Robbie's birthday so both of them got all drunk and funny, and Darlene kept coming out to chat with me. That girl is really cool; I'm really starting to love all of the girls who work at the bar. They're all so sweet and funny.

Still though, there weren't many people there and the night was pretty boring and slow for the most part, which wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been stuck surrounded by old alcoholics who don't know when to leave a young lady the fuck alone.



I took a few photos of the rest of the bar, inside:


view if you stand in the backroom "lounge" area. The stage is at the other end, in the middle of the picture. The area shrouded in gold, shimmering mystery on the left-side is Doug's soundbooth. In this back room, a woman named Janice sets up a martini bar for big shows.


( more... )



And here's me and my cat, just for fuck's sake:

( meow-llo? )



Ps. So, Michael Jackson really says "You're a vegetable" in "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"??? Hah. I always thought that was just a misheard lyric on my part.

Pss. Some really fucking good MJ songs that are a little more obscure (maybe not "obscure" since nothing he did was obscure... I guess just more overlooked than the big hits) than most of his music: "Who Is It?", "Dangerous," "Blood on the Dance Floor," "She's Driving Me Wild". Check them out and get your dance on!

Who comes home from work drunk at 2am singing Michael Jackson loudly in funny voices to her cats?

This guy.

Had interview. Went well. Seems like this place would be alright to work at. Apparently the chick who is leaving has done a LOT of work trying to organize the place better, since apparently the owners are kinda lax about stuff, so that's cool, because I HATE disorganization in my workplace.
I sent the owners my references. The girl who interviewed me (the current manager) said I was the only interview she had for the position, so, uhhh... that's a good sign I guess? Haha.

I have a feeling I'll get the job. I'm not necessarily sure how much I want it, but I digress because hell, ANYTHING is better than NOTHING right now (I don't count the bar, because I only work there two or three times a week and I don't get paid much). This is full time management, good pay, bla bla bla. (I'd be making the same - if not more - money as I was making at the Stag Shop, which would be WONNNNNDERFULLLLLLLL...)
Not entirely sure if I want to manage a retail store again after last time, but eh, this place seems to be cool, and the employees too.

While I was at the mall, I picked up a pair o' jeans and a t-shirt dress.



They're that "boyfriend" cut. I have been wanting to try something other than skinny tight-ass jeans for once.
I'm gonna give these things hell. Rip them a bit, maybe give 'em a bleaching...
I like how this pair looks, but I'll probably make mine a bit more beat-up:





This is the dress, super comfy and casual but still rock'n'roll, good for pairing with a pair of black ankle boots and a bunch of chains:






Yeehaw, how frivolous.
Meh, I like clothes.


I've been sleeping on the floor in my living room, on a thin white sheet, with all of the blinds in the place closed and my a/c cranked. I'm definitely a winter person. I hate getting home from being out n' about and STINKING. Ugh. Fucking sweat.

My mom mentioned to me on the phone today that we're probably going to Jamaica next year again, except maybe a different part than Negril. That would be really great, but I told her "Wouldn't it be cool to go somewhere new?" But, she loves Jamaica. It's her second home, pretty much haha. Fuck, I won't say no to a free trip. I'd love to go to the Mediterranean or something, though. Or Hawaii. If I went to Hawaii, I probably would never, ever come home. Haha.
Anyway, the main reason I am excited to go back to Jamaica is so I can go scuba-diving again! I fell in love with the sea down there. I can't wait to strap on my gear and get back to oceanlife. Most incredible thing in the world.



I want to write a book called "Romancing Polanski" (seriously.)
I've been downloading all of his movies in the past two days. Wish I didn't have to work at the bar tonight, so that I could have a little marathon in the dark, with my bong and my cats.

PS. I have almost chopped my bangs like 4 times in the past two days. ARGH. Don't want to, but SO WANT TO. I won't. I won't... I'm going to resist with all my might! I need them to grow out, finally. Once they do, I'm getting an all over front shag. Okay so I did cut them. I just cut them into a long, shaggy, eye-grazing shape so that they'll grow out shaggy.


PS2: I think I blew my speakers. lawlawlawlawlawlllll. Oops!